Dhanyabad

Around thirty of the children that The Esther Benjamins Trust is caring for at its refuges in Kathmandu and Bhairahawa in the southwest are the dependents of prisoners. I prefer to call our facilities "refuges" rather than "homes" as, in the ideal, they provide full time care only on a temporary basis. In the case of prisoners' children this is pending their parents' release. It's important to keep tabs on the prisoners as, in spite of what they agree at the time we admit their children, it is common for them to vanish into the ether after they are freed in the expectation that we will continue to care for their offspring. For our part we are proactive in reuniting the children with parents as soon as they have found work and can provide a family home but we give the releasees a little leeway after release to sort themselves out. Moreover we are happy to help with some short term financial support (e.g. for educational costs) to smooth the reunification path. This approach is in the best interests of the children and ensures that our refuge facilities can be extended to other, more needy, children.

Two brothers, Raju and Rajesh, came to us back in 2001 after their father was jailed in Tulsipur prison in the far west of Nepal. They have been staying at our Bhairahawa refuge ever since. Towards the end of last year the father was released and it was easy to see how keen the boys were to go home and resume family life. However, this had to be delayed as he needed to find work. Two days ago one of our field staff went with the older brother, Raju, to trace the father. On arrival in his village it transpired that he had remarried and was building a house. He was not at all keen to take the boys back - prisoners enjoy the prospect of a totally fresh start - and would have been more than happy for us to continue to look after the boys to a standard that's better than he could ever afford. But he will take them back; as I see it if he's sufficiently well off to build a house then his finances are good enough to fend for the children.

One of the disappointing things that I see about the parents that we have to deal with is a lack of responsibility (often fuelled by alcohol abuse) and an unwillingness to take ownership of their children. We have to be careful not to indulge these unhealthy sentiments. But the other thing that gets me is the lack of appreciation. Purely in monetary terms, the cost of daily care for Raju and Rajesh over the years has probably been in the region of £8.5k but dear old dad will never say thanks. Instead he clearly expects more off us. This thanklessness is not unique to him by any means. The word "dhanyabad" ("thank you") is a fairly recent addition to the Nepali language. This grates a bit but then you have to remind yourself that what we do we do for the children, not for the parents.

Shailaja has just phoned me to say that gymnast Aman Tamang, who was one of our two refuge children taking part in the National Games last week, has been named as one of the top nine athletes from the games. This means he has won a purse of 25,000 rupees (£210) which equates to six months' salary at the national minimum wage.

Failed family reunifications

Around five years ago we took in four siblings who had been languishing inside Bhimpedi jail in central Nepal. Two boys and two girls, their mother and father were serving life sentences for murder. The children were popular additions to our Bhairahawa refuge and they did very well at school. Then in February 2006 out of the blue there was an amnesty and the parents were released, with the mother coming to Bhairahawa soon afterwards to retrieve her children. We persuaded her to wait for another couple of months until the end of the school year (April) to avoid disrupting her children's education. The children were duly reunited with their parents two months' later along with 15 other refuge children whose parents had been freed from jail or whose domestic circumstances seemed to have improved sufficiently to allow them to care for their children. The reunifications were handled very sensitively by us with the children being given photograph albums as mementoes of their time and of their friends at the refuge, while parents were given our financial support to help with their future education.

Last week one of our field visits to this family found that the father was being conspicuous by his absence from the family "home" in the depths of the jungle while the mother would be away all day tending livestock. The children were malnourished, in poor health and now attending school irregularly. They pleaded to be allowed to return to the refuge and I agreed immediately. They are likely to be with us now until they come of age bringing to 169 the number of mouths that my cash-strapped Trust has to find the funding to feed.

I hate the "children's home" concept with a passion, as children belong in proper family units. It is very necessary though to have such facilities that serve as a vital safety net where there is no state provision for genuinely needy children. Our impetus remains to try to get children back to families, however of the 19 children that we reunited in April 2006 eight have since come back to us. I suppose that remains a success for the other eleven but it reflects the bleak social milieu within which we have to operate in Nepal.

I was very dismayed though to learn that these latest children were last week blaming me for sending them back to their poverty two years' ago. They can of course be forgiven for the child's analysis of the decision that sadly led to their experiencing such grinding hardship. At the time I felt that I was acting in the children's best interests and if I had to do it again (as I do each April) I would make exactly the same choice. Nonetheless their bitterness towards me can't help but hurt after so much of my personal involvement in their welfare which stands in stark juxtaposition to the neglect and indifference of their parents.

Suraj

Suraj came to see me at the weekend. He is the elder of two brothers whom we had rescued back in November 2000. They had been found sleeping rough outside Tansen jail, obtaining scraps of food through the bars of the prison gate courtesy of their imprisoned mother. The two boys came to our refuge in Bhairahawa where they quickly began to blossom. Both are very good all rounders - academically, musically, at dance and sport. Suraj took the lead role in a community play that we organised at the refuge a couple of years ago. His part in the play's "dream sequence" (pictured) is very memorable.

His progress took a jolt when his father turned up out of the blue a few months ago. He had been in different prison from his wife but freed after the Maoists burned down the jail at the end of last year; he is technically on the run but apparently had joined the Maoists himself. He arrived at the refuge on his motor bike, flashing money and showing off to his sons. Although told to go away he has been around the neighbourhood ever since. This put us in a doubly difficult position as Suraj's mother was insistent that the boys should never be handed over to their no-good father. And the boys had been signed over to our care by her, not him, and she expected them returned after her release.

Last week Suraj announced that he wanted to leave school (he's now 16 and very close to taking his final examinations) and if he couldn't work for us (not an option) he wanted to join his father. The local staff couldn't persuade him otherwise so he came to Kathmandu where he met the local Director here, Shailaja CM, and she talked him into changing his mind. By the time he got to me it had become an easy interview. He gave me a big hug before he left the room. This is another example of how our refuge children's parents mess their children's lives up leading to their coming to our care in the first place. Thereafter, given the chance, they continue to do so.

The news on the international adoption process has been encouraging this week. It appears that the files at our District office (Lalitpur) were due to be sent off yesterday and there is a prospect of a committee meeting this week to begin to look at all the files. That's what I heard from the refuge where our child came from. But the locals would tell you anything to make you happy....