The Politics of International Adoption

I read with much admiration an excellent essay that a friend sent me today on the politics of international adoption, as considered by Peter Conn, Professor of English at the University of Pennsylvania:

http://ehistory.osu.edu/osu/origins/article.cfm?articleid=6&articlepage=1

In my post of 25th July "The Last Resort" I rejected the politically correct statements being made by ideologists like Gillian Mellsop, the Country Representative of UNICEF in Nepal, who at the time had gone on the record as saying that international adoption should be the last resort. Challenging these hollow, fawning viewpoints at the time I gave a short overview of the other options that were infinitely worse for the unwanted, unloved Nepali child - like ending up in a grim orphanage, on the streets, being trafficked or early death. Professor Conn's review complements this analysis, albeit in a much more erudite commentary.

That said, he does remind us that the process of adoption is always accompanied by "disruption, loss and mourning". In the midst of the joy that we new adoptive parents are revelling in at the moment it is appropriate to remember this and give a great deal of early thought to the future needs of our new sons and daughters who will have to cope with these sentiments. I can imagine how in the light of how the recent international adoptions have been so abysmally mismanaged by the Nepalese authorities some, if not most, parents may wish to have nothing more to do with Nepal. The reality we have to accept and work around is that the adopted child, teenager and future adult will always feel an affinity with their homeland. They may even fantasise about it as some kind of Shangri La - which it certainly isn't. As far as my daughter Alisha is concerned, we will be very open with her in the future about her background (what little we know of it) and of the ongoing situation - and desperation - of Nepal. She should never be made to feel "grateful" for what was an act of love on our part, but she should be given every opportunity to understand the pain and hardship of Nepalese society and the context from which she was adopted. Maybe one day she might even feel inclined to follow in our footsteps and put something back; I would be delighted by that but ultimately this will have to be her own choice.

The Esther Benjamins Trust now has a major Indian circus in its sights for a rescue operation within the coming month. Our field workers have already gone to the southeast of Nepal to research the families of children who have gone to that particular circus. Predictably, it seems that the circus has already been tipped off (doubtless by families who will receive a kickback for their collaboration) as I learned today that four girls have just been sent home to Nepal from that circus. Sometimes circuses do that in advance of a rescue to unsettle us or to improve their image. But once again our already acutely dangerous task will be made all the more challenging by tackling a circus that will be ready and waiting, having bought off everyone that matters in its locality.

An abstract philosophical concept

A needless amount of time was spent by us at the bleak Foreign Ministry today in pursuit of Alisha's travel document, a mini passport that would allow us to take her out of the country next month. We were invited to present ourselves at 12.00 noon and, quite predictably, when we got there we were told to come back at 2 p.m. At 2 p.m. we discovered that the staff who were dealing with the documentation would be on tea break for another half hour. They finally turned up at 2.45 p.m. and we were at last issued with her little black book.

Waiting around we speculated on what was going on around us, or not, as the case may be. The young Nepali staff member of Alisha's orphanage who had accompanied us suggested that all Nepalis were lazy. We quickly - and politely - disagreed. Anyway, this is certainly not the case. Bev and I continued the discussion over dinner this evening. She opined that from what she had seen there is a tendency (and let's try to avoid generalisation) for people who have a job to do here to get distracted so that they lose focus and don't achieve their work goals. There is certainly truth in this as you can see it happening in offices across the land, with visitors coming and going all the time, chats taking place and clerks trying to juggle everyone's interests at the same time. Objectives aren't achieved on schedule in this chaos and this is most definitely a land of lost opportunities.

However I have a different take on this. I often reflect on a pearl of wisdom that I read in a tourist guide book when I first came to Nepal in 1999. In a section of the book it stated something to the effect that "in Nepal time is an abstract philosophical concept" with people unable to time their arrival for meetings, meet deadlines etc. That's definitely true, but what I have seen is not just people losing a grip on their own time management but also their making a very good job of wasting the time of others. I wonder how many man hours are lost per week in Nepal through this inescapable and infuriating practice? Herein lies another problem that just cannot be addressed by the development sector - one of many that bedevil our attempts to improve society. Sadly no one seems to care in Nepal, just accepting this as being the norm, which is why this country is going to get left so far behind as its more tuned in neighbours recognise and seize opportunities with alacrity.

Before Christmas The Daily Mail, the leading UK tabloid newspaper, invited its readers to write in and propose their favourite charity for a prize. Generously, the Mail was offering a top prize of £100,000 with 90 runner up prizes of £10,000. I was very touched to read what some of our supporters wrote about us and we published some of these on our website:

http://www.ebtrust.org.uk/site/testimonials.htm

I was over the moon to learn this evening that we have been selected as a runner up prize winner. That's a very welcome boost just as I was starting to worry again about meeting our rapidly growing commitments.

A funny old Christmas

I really must do something about the window to my study, which seems to spring open all too regularly in the cold evenings. Because of my ajar window as I type I am being inflicted with a chilly draft coming off the hill to the south. Much worse than that though has been the incessant serenading from the house across the way. In characteristic Nepali style it is rather monotonous, with just a whiff of alcohol in its tuneless delivery. Most bizarrely one of the pieces that I have had to endure has included a drawling rendition of "Gloria Inexcelsis". This has only served to reinforce what a very unusual Christmas this has been.

Yes, it's of course been fantastic with the news of Alisha's adoption being approved but this latter has involved us being in the freezing mausoleum of a Foreign Ministry building on Christmas morning trying to progress her paperwork. I watched, bemused, as a slob of a self-important official sat crouched over his desk literally pushing the paperwork around the table top, fingering and re-fingering it but doing little else. He was dressed in padded jacket and had an electric radiator trained on each leg, all contributing towards his general air of indolence. I commented to the chap who accompanied from the orphanage that a guy like this wouldn't last five minutes back in the West. He's clearly made a success of himself in Nepal.

I don't need any Christmas presents

In the past I used to be invited to share the joy of friends in the announcement of a pregnancy or a birth. I'd be sent ultrasound scans or pictures of the ruddy new arrival as the case may be. My delight for the new parents was certainly there but it could never be unqualified. You'd always wonder "Why not me (us)?" and it would inevitably be a time for sad reflection on how things could - or with "justice" should - have been. So I hope those readers who have experienced the pain of childlessness or who are waiting to adopt can indulge me as I write of this, my time for celebration. For this evening's celebration comes at the end of a long and bitter path which began with failed IVF attempts in my first marriage back in 1991/1992. It plummeted to the depths of despair with the suicide of my first wife Esther in 1999. And most recently it has seen a (quite needlessly) long 14 month wait for confirmation of an adoption process here in Nepal. But the celebration stems from the news that the Nepalese international adoption committee has approved our application for Alisha to become our daughter and now all we await is the signature of the secretary to the committee, Mr Neupane. And for the record for waiting parents that's case number 2060 with the committee having worked through (to my pleasant surprise) at lightning speed to case number 2065.

For the last couple of weeks we've had an appeal in place for the rescue of children and teenage girls who are trapped in the Indian circuses (see right). So far we have raised just £230 towards the £15,842 that we predicted would be needed to rescue 150 children from six circuses over the period January-June 2008 (a "planning assumption"). This morning I heard that the first circus on our list for January has no less than 200 trafficked and imprisoned girls so heaven knows where we are going to find the funds to raid that circus in January and to manage them post release. But the planning goes on regardless and the field team will be deployed next week to start collecting data and parents' statements/release requests. However I am sure that we will get a result and that 2008 will be for me a great year both personally and professionally.

A German volunteer

At the start of last year we had two outstanding German volunteers join our work, Katharina Tomoff and Micha Ludecke. Both are clinical pyschologists - just the kind of skills we need with traumatised circus returnees - and when they returned home they carried on the good work. This led to another German volunteer, Marie Therese Vollmer, joining us at the start of September this year. Marie has been great and, although fairly fresh out of high school, has had a lot to give. Her tour started in Hetauda where she quickly struck up a rapport with the girls. We then transferred her to join the children in Bhairahawa. Judging by the reports of tearful farewells from Bhairahawa last week (mirroring those when she took her leave of Hetauda) I think this project location has also been equally fulfilling for her. Since leaving Bhairahawa she's had a birthday in Kathmandu and is now on trek in the mountains. I am sure that this will be a year to remember.

News on the international adoption progress seems to be very difficult to read accurately. Things have been certainly moving, albeit excruciatingly slowly, and one or two parents have had children finally allocated. However it is quite impossible to distinguish between cases having been "considered" and "approved". I keep hearing stories of the pace of review being increased dramatically but I think it prudent to remain sceptical and not to book the pre-Christmas flights home just yet.

Two pieces of good news

The first long-awaited news that I heard today is that the international adoption committee has now met (I think yesterday) for the first time in months to process the 442 pending adoption case files, including my own. At this meeting the first 20 files were processed i.e. up to file number 1970. I gather that in some cases documentation may need updating since the files having been collecting dust for most of this year. I have no idea when the committee will meet again, but at least a start has now been made.

The second piece of good news is that my not-for-profit business Himalayan Mosaics was finally registered today. So we can now sell handmade mosaics all over the world. I just need to get the website done now and identify international customers. But that doesn't stop us from selling at fairs in Kathmandu this Saturday and the following Friday. I am very excited for my work to be evolving from charity into not for profit business which seems to be the only way to go that assures beneficiaries of not only an income but also of retrieving their self confidence and dignity.

For both news items the bottom line is that nothing happens quickly in Nepal. Least of all international adoption.

Suraj

Suraj came to see me at the weekend. He is the elder of two brothers whom we had rescued back in November 2000. They had been found sleeping rough outside Tansen jail, obtaining scraps of food through the bars of the prison gate courtesy of their imprisoned mother. The two boys came to our refuge in Bhairahawa where they quickly began to blossom. Both are very good all rounders - academically, musically, at dance and sport. Suraj took the lead role in a community play that we organised at the refuge a couple of years ago. His part in the play's "dream sequence" (pictured) is very memorable.

His progress took a jolt when his father turned up out of the blue a few months ago. He had been in different prison from his wife but freed after the Maoists burned down the jail at the end of last year; he is technically on the run but apparently had joined the Maoists himself. He arrived at the refuge on his motor bike, flashing money and showing off to his sons. Although told to go away he has been around the neighbourhood ever since. This put us in a doubly difficult position as Suraj's mother was insistent that the boys should never be handed over to their no-good father. And the boys had been signed over to our care by her, not him, and she expected them returned after her release.

Last week Suraj announced that he wanted to leave school (he's now 16 and very close to taking his final examinations) and if he couldn't work for us (not an option) he wanted to join his father. The local staff couldn't persuade him otherwise so he came to Kathmandu where he met the local Director here, Shailaja CM, and she talked him into changing his mind. By the time he got to me it had become an easy interview. He gave me a big hug before he left the room. This is another example of how our refuge children's parents mess their children's lives up leading to their coming to our care in the first place. Thereafter, given the chance, they continue to do so.

The news on the international adoption process has been encouraging this week. It appears that the files at our District office (Lalitpur) were due to be sent off yesterday and there is a prospect of a committee meeting this week to begin to look at all the files. That's what I heard from the refuge where our child came from. But the locals would tell you anything to make you happy....

An Auspicious Day

The first consignment of mosaics left my Kathmandu mosaic studio yesterday en route to the exhibition that we will be holding in Skipton, North Yorkshire, UK on the 4th December. The excitement of the girls was tangible and sweet to witness. It must have been amazing for them to be preparing for such an event so soon after having been trapped inside miserable Indian circuses. The central exhibit will be the eight auspicious symbols of Tibetan Buddhism. For the unitiated, like me, they are:

the white parasol - keeps away the heat of evil desires

two fish - symbols of happiness and utility

seashell - symbol of blessedness to the right

lotus - pledge of salvation and symbol of divine origin

vessel - treasury of all desires

victory - banner erected on Mt Meru, centre of the Buddhist cosmos

wheel - eight spokes represent the eight fold path

endless knot - mystic diagram representing endless rebirths

Whatever one makes of the religious significance of these, or otherwise, I think they look great and the girls have really excelled themselves in subject material that they can relate to. I am very tempted to buy these myself to celebrate the auspicious day when we complete our international adoption process with Alisha. That will be something that she too can treasure in later life and always have as a valued, and no doubt much-needed, reminder of her native land.

Hello to International Adopters

The two or three visitors to my Blog of a few days ago enquiring about international adoption in Nepal (a pleasant change from Google search words like "sexual massage Kathmandu") has turned into a flood. Most notable has been all those readers from the USA who may have been sent the link to my Blog through an adopters' forum.

No doubt like me you were beginning to wonder why it seems to be so difficult and painful to become a parent in every respect, why children (and sometimes aspiring parents) have had to stay in Nepalese children's homes in the meantime and if there would ever be light at the end of this particularly long tunnel. That light seems to be there now.

I now wish you everything that you would wish for yourselves and great joy in your adoptions.

Rural education in Nepal

I am about to host a visit from one of our UK funders, Mr Richard Carss, whose Foundation has been funding some of our work with rural schools in Makwanpur and adjacent districts. While we have been providing scholarships, his Foundation has been funding capital enhancements - classroom builds, toilet blocks, classroom furniture and the like. I intend to be totally frank with him in that I am increasingly of the opinion that we have been misguided in propping up a flawed system. And those who purport to support the existing system are often kidding themselves and others.


In previous posts I have mentioned the problems in village schools with huge classes, chronic under-resourcing and the routine rote form of learning that burdens children's memories pointlessly while stifling their creativity. Therein lie some of the intrinsic flaws. However, as part of a pursuit of the Holy Grail of increasing attendance and reducing drop out rates (especially for girls) incentives are used to motivate the children and their families that can totally backfire. I am currently refusing to fund any kind of a feeding programme in village schools in Rupendehi district as that fosters dependency (which once started is hard to break away from) and provides the wrong motivation to attend classes. I point to an example of how well-intentioned NGOs can get it wrong in an item that appeared in yesterday's Himalayan newspaper. It was reported that in one rural district an NGO has offered the incentive of two litres of cooking oil per month provided per child that attends classes. It seems that this has now become the only pathetic reason that families send their children to school. Children can keep repeating the same year at school over and over again, failing exams and without making any educational progress while continuing to receive oil. One mother said:


"If my daughter fails this year, we could get the oil for one more year. If she passes she will go to a distant school and there will be no one to do the household chores too. I will ask the teachers to fail my daughter this year."


So at the end of this programme (if the NGO can ever detach itself from it) the statistics will point to increased attendance of pupils and everyone, as I stated above, is fooled, including themselves. Indeed the "success" may become a paradigm for managing this endemic problem. Meantime the children will have achieved nothing, exploited by parents who seem to value them only in terms of a few paltry gallons of oil. This is why I believe we need to engage in something different and I will elaborate upon this in a later post.

It appears that the word is getting out internationally about progress on the international adoption situation in Nepal. Over the last day or two I have been obtaining more hits on this site from overseas couples who are suddenly - and understandably - researching the subject. So for those who haven't heard the news, the 440 pending cases are now going to be processed with the case files re-opened last Sunday for the first time in months. Maybe within six months they will all have been cleared, but this latter statement is a guess on my part.

This morning I found the butterfly pictured right lying dead by the roadside. This beautiful creature is a Lime Swallowtail, apparently quite common in this part of the country. In fact, interestingly Nepal has an estimated 850 species of butterflies and over half of them can be found here in Godawari. The aim now is for us to perform an act of resurrection, converting this butterfly into a vital mosaic and presenting it our mosaic exhibition in Skipton, U.K. on the 4th December. How rewarding that will be!

Tihar concerns

Today we asked our staff member, former circus girl Anita, to make flower garlands for our four dogs. To outsiders that may seem like evidence that we've finally cracked after three years of living in Nepal and that we are now engaged in eccentricities worthy of Zsa Zsa Gabor or Paris Hilton. But no, this is day two of the five day festival of Tihar which follows hot on the heels of Dashain and is the equivalent of Diwali, the festival of lights, in India. Day one sees the locals worshipping the crow and they leave out food for them to enjoy. Day two, Kukur Tihar, has the nation paying homage to the dog population with dogs receiving garlands and tika symbols on their foreheads. Like many things in Nepal that all feels a bit false given how little interest is paid in dogs for the other 364 days of the year. Worse, dogs are the victims of mange and horrible injuries that everyone ignores. Stray dogs are stoned, beaten and teased. From our own monitoring of the road between here in Godawari and Kathmandu we are all too aware of how many are killed by reckless drivers. I remain haunted by the sight this day last year of a garlanded dog lying dead in the middle of the road.